


You ever feel so much that it hurts?

by writerofbaddecisions



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, poor chimney is being killed over and over by me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24687976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerofbaddecisions/pseuds/writerofbaddecisions
Summary: When you have a job, where risking your life is in the job description, there’s always that call that breaks you. It leaves you dangling on the edge of a mental breakdown, years in the making.Chimney’s had a lot of those, he's gotten back from thosebut this one.takes the cake.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Kudos: 5





	You ever feel so much that it hurts?

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i'll stop killing him

When you have a job, where risking your life is in the job description, there’s always that call that breaks you. It leaves you dangling on the edge of a mental breakdown, years in the making. 

Chimney’s had a lot of those, 

but this one.

**this one.**

takes the cake.

\----

Bobby calls Athena to tell her that he  _ needs  _ to get an AA meeting tonight , even though he hasn’t stepped foot in that gym in 3 years. He asks her to schedule their date night for another night , saying sorry for the inconvenience. 

Athena says there’s nothing to worry about 

\---

Hen races to the bunks , to call Karen , Denny , and Nia. She’s still covered in blood , and shaking , but she doesn’t care. She calls to tell them that  _ she loves them no matter what _ , Denny and Nia are still innocent, their mother’s daily horrors are otherwise unknown to them. Karen has been with Hen for long enough that she knows , Hen just needs to have so comfort when she comes home.

Karen doesn’t falter when Hen starts to cry on their face-time call 

\---

Buck collapses on the couch , staring blindly at the game he and Hen had abandoned before the call. However , his vision was blurred by the tears streaming down his face at the moment. His body is racked with sobs , as faces of the DOA’s flash across his face like a eye vision test. He cries until his tears begin to stop , his uniform completely soaked through. His tears were diluting the stains of the blood from the call , where a wicked person opened fire on a school that had abandoned him as a child. He opens his chat logs , ignoring the messages from ads , finding the one titled “Abby” , it hadn’t been opened in two years at this rate. He though for a while , going back and forth , deleting the test multiple times before typing “I still love you.”

He goes back to crying after a while 

\---

Eddie deals with the pain the only way he’s known since childhood. Hitting. He calmly walks up to the boxing gym at the firehouse , punching the poor bag over. and over. He punches until the white bag turns red with his blood. He punches the bag , thinking of the kid he had treated. The kid who reminded him of christopher , asking him “Are you superman?” Who was he to tell the kid any different , besides ,  _ the kid was pronounced dead two minutes later. _

He goes to the hospital later with bloody fingers and infection for christ’s sake. 

\---

Chimney jumps off the truck unsteadily, nearly collapsing from the weight of his own body. The blood from the call is still staining his uniform, his nametag now only saying “A”, he’s a sight to behold. Which is exactly what he does not want under any circumstances.

He drags heavy legs , to the lockers, where he scrounges around for the old box. It’s a tearing box , that could fit in a pocket , but feel as heavy as a brick. Letters that used to spell Marlboro, now spell “oro” after sitting un-used in his locker for what feels like centuries. 

While everyone is sitting in their own heads somewhere, he carefully climbs the ladder to the firehouse roof. It was pouring outside, something rare in a place like Los Angeles. The flag that flys tall, now lays damp on the flagpole soaking from the rain outside. 

Chimney sits down on the ledge , covered by a tiny little roof . It used to be a smoking spot , but it slowly went out of use. He shakily pulled out an cigarette, lightning it with the side of the box , purely out of muscle memory. As he lit the cigarette , he thought to himself  _ Im sorry Mama , Im sorry Bobby , Im sorry I disappointed you.  _

He takes a few puffs of the cigarette, repulsing at the smell that now surrounds him. He’s shaking like a leaf at this point, shivering in the 70-degree weather. He can tell there’s something wet dripping down his face, but he can’t tell if it’s raindrops or its his tears. Wearing short-sleeves in this weather , might be a bad idea, but at this rate , Chimney doesn’t give any shits anymore. 

So he sits on the roof, shaking like a leaf ready to blow away, smoking the 4 cigarettes in his pockets, and spiraling within his own mind.

\---

The large hand on the analog clock spins around 3 times on his watch, when he hears the words “Chimney?” come from behind him. He can’t turn around for fear that the ledge might collapse if he does , but he can tell it’s Hen’s voice , although he can tell there’s pure  _ fear  _ in her voice. 

A flurry of other footsteps come closer to him as he takes a drag of the final cigarette , basking in the mist that surrounds him. He can hear them talking among each other , recogizing the voices as  _ Buck’s , Eddie’s, Hen’s , Bobby’s , and….. _

_ Maddie’s? _

Fuck

Hen’s voice comes back , it’s close but he really can’t tell , the cold is starting to take over , and he can tell his teeth are chattering , as his cigarette finishes. “Chimney? Maddie’s coming here , but she’s on the phone right no-”

“Nnono-no, no-t maddi-e .” Not his 8-month pregnant girlfriend, no. She  _ does NOT  _ need to know that she’s having the child of a deranged man NOPENOPENOPE-   
  


“Chimney? Sweetie? Honey?”

He crushes the blunt against his skin , enjoying the warmth radiating from burn on his skin. Chimney could vaguely hear the sucking of breath coming from Buck or bobby , but it registered in his brain as a figment of his thinking. 

“Maddi-e! Ma-ddie, I’m so-so-so sorry for be-ing a mis-take , you don’t hav-e to co-me” His voice is breaking , but he can’t tell if it’s the cold , his tears , the fact he just chain smoked , or all of the above. 

“Are you Okay? This isn’t normal , you’re freaking me and everyone out!” 

Chimney starts to laugh hysterically , almost manically . He has to hold onto to the ledge to avoid falling off of it . He screams into-the now letting up rain: “I”M scaring YOU?!?!?! I’M SCARING YOU?!?! I’M SCARING MYSEL-F” 

The old little ledge starts to crumble under chimney’s white-knuckled grip and gives-way two minutes later. And the 118 watches in absolute horror as chimney falls with a ringing  **_CRACK_ ** on the ground. They race over to the edge, only to find that Maddie had watched her boyfriend fall , and was now desperately trying to revive him. They all raced out off the roof , down to the driveway of the firehouse. 

-

_ Howard “Chimney” Han was pronounced dead on arrival by the paramedics and firefighters of the very house he worked in. He is survived by his girlfriend Maddie Kendall , and his unborn baby-girl. _

**Author's Note:**

> i know that this is terrible , and please don't kill me


End file.
